Scars, Pills, and Forgotten Love
by WeepingFlowersAndBrokenDreams
Summary: Adrian's heart is broken when Ricky breaks up with her for Amy, so she decides that maybe a life without herself wouldn't be so bad. One Shot.


Adrian wasn't thinking that night with Ben in his car. She had a feeling in her gut that Ricky Underwood was going to break up with her, and that was the only thing on her mind, redemption. She was scared and unsure and for the first time in 5 years, lonely.

That night with Ben would have never happened if Ricky had never had a baby with Amy, all the problems she had ever had with Ricky were because of John. Sure, she loved John, he was Ricky's son and was so cute with his little baby dimples, but there was always a part of her that knew that John would have something to do with the breakup of her and Ricky. Ricky had John with Amy, one night at Band Camp so the tale went. She and Ricky were taking some time off as a couple then after she caught him in bed with some sleazy senior trying to impress her friends by having sex with a _much_ younger guy.

Ben was Amy's ex, they dated her whole pregnancy, and they even tried to get married, without parent permission of course. That's why Adrian decided to have sex with Ben in that car. She knew he wanted it; she overheard him talking about it with those nerds he always hangs out with.

That wasn't the only reason she decided to make Ben her conquest, she saw something that should have never happened. Ricky still hadn't come to talk to her after he dumped her and skipped town, so why was he at Amy's house? Why was he _kissing _her? Yeah, you heard right, sucking face with her "friend." Such a good friend she was, even though Adrian and Ricky were not together anymore.

Adrian felt tears swelling in her eyes as she turned her head a little to see Ben in his car moping around and looking oh so desperate. That's exactly how it happened, what made her do the deed with Ben.

You can guess what happened after that, Ricky yelled at her and Amy and Ricky lived happily ever after, yeah they got together. Adrian got pregnant, got an abortion and has been an emotional wreck ever since.

Adrian looked at her plate of food, spreading it around with her fork so it looked like she ate at least some of it.

"How was school today Adrian?" her Dad asked.

"Perfect," she said sarcastically.

"I know things have been tough since you and Ricky broke up but I am here for you if you ever need to talk."

"Stop going all Dad on me, gosh!" Adrian said slamming her fist down on the glass table.

"Adrian!" her dad grabbed her arm and pulled up her sleeve, "Are you cutting yourself?"

Lines of fuzzy pink and red lined her arms going straight up in a row.

She looked at her dad for any sign of anger, and when she only found concern she ran up the stairs and locked herself in the bathroom.

Why me? Why Amy? The questions swirled in Adrian's head as she crawled into the fetal position on the tiled bathroom floor. The creaky cabinet swaying back in forth he only noise covering up her sobs.

She grabbed a bottle of pills from the cabinet and dumped them on the ground next to her and counted eight. Is that enough to kill? Adrian grabbed a piece of paper she kept hidden in the bottle and opened the blank paper up, smoothed it out and grabbed a pen.

She started writing but as she wrote memories came back to her.

_ Adrian was standing next to the swing at the park in seventh grade, rain was dripping from the gray clouds as it sprinkled on that chilly Saturday afternoon. Adrian was the only one at the playground and she didn't have a coat. She was only wearing a couple layered tank tops and a pair of jeans, not your average outfit to wear in November. Adrian was about to start heading home when she felt a pair of hands wrap around her waist and hug her from behind._

_ "You're the cute girl in my science class," Ricky Underwood said whispering in her ear._

_ She had a small crush on him that started at the beginning of the school year when he sat with her on the school bus._

_ "That's me," Adrian breathed turning around to face Ricky._

_ He had this cocky grin on his face that she could never forget, no matter how hard she tried, though she never has. He looked like he does now, except for the height, and his eyes were about a shade lighter, though they grew darker with every summer that passed._

_ "What's so funny?"_

_ "Nothing, I'm just thinking about what would happen if I kissed you right now."_

_ Adrian looked up at him when he said that and he leaned down toward her, puckering his lips like a first grader that watched their mommies and daddies kissing way too much._

_ Adrian didn't care though, she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him toward herself, kissing him._

_ They kissed for a couple minutes before she left to go make dinner for her mother, who had just gotten back from a flight around Dallas._

Adrian sighed as she thought about that memory and wrote the letter, her suicide letter.

She grabbed the pills and swallowed them one by one until she had swallowed all eight.

She leaned her head back against the tub and breathed out as her vision started hazing. Everything was becoming blurry and she couldn't make out her own thoughts, until slowly she lost consciousness.

_To my one true friend who prevented this from happening sooner, to all my fellow students who probably never knew my name or never cared, to the family who gave birth to me, and to Ricky Underwood._

_ I have ended my life today, the pain of living a life without Ricky is too much to bear. I love him with all my heart and soul, body and mind. I have loved him ever since we kissed that rainy November day in seventh grade. He left me and a hole in my chest formed where my heart should be._

_ I am leaving a world where I never probably truly fit in or belonged. I hope God finds me and takes me to him, the life he gave me was just some cruel joke I believe. Do not mourn me or weep me, I expect you guys not to anyway. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I hope to see you in this place we call heaven, if it truly exists._

_ P.S. Amy, if you read this, I forgive you for having Ricky's baby, I know I have tormented and bitched at you because of that, and tell John Aunt Adrian still cares for him._


End file.
